Wednesday, November 30, 2011

being honest

Feeling more in the mood tonight to write a post.

We have been going through lots lately.

The biggest and most emotional for me was that back in September we found out that we were going to be parents again.  We were shocked a little, but excited.  At the end of October we lost the baby.  It was very sad for us.

The morning I found out, I woke up knowing something was wrong.  I had a dream that night about the baby for the first time.  I woke up and knew.  Cried to myself a little, and waited till the morning to tell Zeb.

We still went to get an ultrasound just to make sure, and that night my wonderful midwife came over to help us through it.

I had many unexpected emotions. I was not ready for that, not thinking too much of being attached to the baby already.  I feel bad now, knowing other moms who have gone through that and I did not know what to say to them.

Another sadness for me, though less tragic, was the ending of a good friendship.  I am still shocked and a little bewildered about it, but completely hurt and missing her terribly.

More pleasant news for us was that our apartment is finished! We moved in for the first of November and it was so exciting.  I could fill many more blog posts about the tribulations this apartment has caused for us, but I won't get into that now.  Anyway, it is DONE!  And we love it!  I will do an apartment post on its own with a tour...coming soon!

Hmm... what else, oh I started baby sitting for some friends who have a sweet little girl Fabian's age.  It is fun to watch them together.  They are cool people (a breath of fresh air for us), and I enjoy being with their family.

The last few weeks have been a birth-assisting marathon!  I am loving it and am convinced this is one reason God put me on this earth.  A sweet little girl the other night, love it!

All this in the last few months!  I haven't felt like writing and to be honest, have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  I sure do love my husband though.  He has been right by my side and has shown me love even in my darkest moments, watches the kids when I go to a conference or birth, and keeps me laughing without complaint.  I am thankful for him.

I have been feeling better lately.  We are healthy and life goes on.  Getting our apartment all cozied up is good for me.  Feels good to get this off my chest a bit.  I feel like I will sleep good tonight.

1 comment:

  1. i feel kind of foolish because it happened to me and i don't know what to say to someone other than, i am sorry. it doesn't really matter how many weeks or months along, you lost your baby and that's terribly sad.

    and on top of that you lost a friendship you have to grieve over as well.

    what a tough fall season.

    i'm glad you like your apartment and delivering baby's. i remember you talking about it last year. the different paths you can take to become a midwife. i think that would be cool but there's probably so many things involved with it (politics, state laws, etc.) that i have no clue about.